Grace Upon Grace

The first quarter of 2023 is finished already?! So crazy. But that means I’m back with another book blog, sharing with you all the books I have read since the start of the new year.

I have still been trying to slow down my reading a bit so that I am able to focus better and absorb more of what I’m reading…You won’t have to guess which book I’ve enjoyed most during this quarter. If you read any of these yourselves, or have other titles to recommend, please let me know! Although my reading list is already extensive, and is definitely going to outlive me, I’m always taking suggestions.

Well, we’re wrapping 2022 up…crazy. Here is the final blog post of the year- I am sharing the books I read in the final quarter of the year- enjoy!..I read fewer books in this final quarter of 2022- my schedule was more full than usual. My final count from the entire year was 34 books (if I am counting correctly)…

One thing I’ve had to learn recently is that I can’t change anyone else to be what I may want or need them to be- but I can prepare and change and challenge myself be the woman I am called to be regardless of who I’m married to, if I’m ever married at all.

Because the kind of woman I am should not vary depending on whether I am single or married.
It depends on what God has outlined in His word- applicable and requiring obedience across time, life seasons, relationship status, job situation, home life…Christ is already my husband, my head, my authority as a Christian woman. And so my heart, lifestyle, and behavior should submit to and honor Him as such right now. All these things need not change if I ever get married, but they will naturally carry over, and because they are obedient to the Lord and His Word they will, by default and design, equip and allow me to obey, honor, and submit to an earthly husband.

As I was reflecting on this after church, I was reminded that in God’s economy there is no wasted time and there is no lack.
We need not think He’s working within a scarcity mindset like ones we so often struggle with as humans.
God’s blessing someone else does not take from, or leave less for, me. Someone else’s success does not equal my failure.
God’s pie is endless, and someone else’s receiving a generous serving still leaves exactly enough for me, exactly as much as the Lord intends for me to have.
I don’t need to try and hoard the Lord’s blessings. I don’t need to try and gather them for myself before their time.
I don’t need to try and keep His gifts to me for myself.
I pray that He would help me to give myself away in service to Him.

So, I truly think my reading list is going to outlive me. It’s unending. It doesn’t help that I work in a bookstore, and so see really cool stuff every day that I don’t always have time to read. Prioritizing is key- I have to read what is relevant to me in the moment and what is top-of-mind, otherwise I won’t pay attention like I should and won’t glean from it what I hope. Not everything I want to read I want to read right now.

I guess I’m just weary of almosts. of something feeling as though it’s just beyond my reach. timing. of circumstances not permitting a fully transparent expression of the current, as well as the potential, care and love I crave to show; of being almost able to finally taste and see my dreams become reality- but not yet. tired of the ‘not yet’. when is it going to be my turn. always waiting my turn, quietly, with little complaint; not making a fuss, not putting myself where I’m not wanted, not forcing or manipulating. God, when is it going to be my turn?.. It’s so weird knowing I’m finally wanted but having to still continue to wait. I’m tired of wanting, of waiting, of…I want to want for nothing. every once in a while the thought crosses my mind: that this dream that I can’t remember ever living without, this vision and this desire for my life- that that’s all it’ll ever be, a dream. and my heart breaks; it startles me to think that this life I can see so clearly in my mind may only ever be a figment of my imagination, never reality. Lord, You have to be enough for me…I have to let You be enough. Redeem my tears, Father.